The Manuscript of My Life

How Did I Get Here?

{ 05:24, 2009-Mar-31 } { 4 comments } { Link }

Generally speaking, I don’t take too much time to reflect. I never really seem to have the time to just let my mind wander wherever it decides to go, but this weekend I decided to engage in mindless work, and since my thoughts were not otherwise occupied, they decided to go on their own journey. I had some cleaning that needed to get done and with the duster in my6 hand my thoughts began to travel willy nilly.

I’m not sure where I started actually in my travels, but I ended up wondering how I had gotten to this point in my life. Where was that crossroad that led me in a whole different direction? Or in fact were there several crossroads or paths that got me where I am today? I most certainly never envisioned myself divorced, teaching medical language at a college, and living with my 28 year-old disabled daughter. How did I get here?

At 18, I was convinced I was going to be a concert pianist or conductor of a high school band. I had done my 10,000 hours of practice to make me an “expert”, but the drive and ambition got lost amidst university life, practicing, juggling my academic and personal life. It was too much for me at that age and I made a bad decision to take some time off. I never went back to school, and a decision I regret to this day. I suppose that was the first of many changing points in my life. At the time it seemed the right thing to do and maybe it was. Who knows? I certainly wouldn’t be where I am had that decision been different.

After dating my childhood sweetheart for 5 years we got married at the age of 22, which seems rather cliché, but we were in love, best friends and had so many hopes and dreams for the future. We had the house in the suburbs, the puppy and soon came the children. All seemed perfect in our little world. My husband had his career in policing and I was teaching piano lessons to make ends meet. Our first blow came with the diagnosis of our daughter, but we seemingly handled it well and kept up the appearance that things were just fine. Unfortunately, we changed at different rates, wanted different things, and the demands of living with a child with a disability soon changed us and we began to grow apart; another turning point to heading down a different pathway. Did I ever think I would be a divorce statistic? Not ever! Am I? I most certainly am.

Divorce led to several changes in my life. I felt liberated and took advantage of the new me, or the old me, whichever way you look at it. I went back to school, changed careers, sold my house and moved myself and my daughter to a new city and entirely new way of life. I was now tripping on an entirely different path, and it was all new and exciting. Had I ever envisioned that I would be living in an apartment in Vancouver? No, not really, but in some place deep down I always knew that was something that I wanted. Are our secret desires sometimes the things we finally end up having or doing?

Do the people we meet lead to direction changes in our lives? For me, the answer is definitely yes. Since moving to Vancouver my life seems to be entwined with two specific people. They have accompanied me on this journey since I started on my new career path. I hadn’t really thought about this too much until my reverie while cleaning, but these good friends of mine have opened doors and many opportunities have arisen for me because of our connection. Were we destined to find each other? Was karma in our favour or was it just by chance that we met? I would never have ended up teaching at the college without either one of them, nor would I have been able to continue working at home and just yesterday, another job opportunity came my way that could lead me in a whole different direction again. None of these things would have been possible had these people not been in my life. It is remarkable really when you take time to think about it.
As I was putting the duster back in the closet I was reminded of the movie “Sliding Doors”. The main character in the movie lives her life twice, in two entirely different ways, but ends up in the exactly the same place in the end. I have always found this concept fascinating. Do we have a destiny? Will we end up doing the same thing in the end even if we take a different route? I guess it’s something to ponder but I’m not sure any one of us will ever know for sure.

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{ 09:48, 2009-Mar-31 } { Posted by indigomoonarts }
That movie was freaky. I have often pondered the same things Laurie but you know what they say.. there are no accidents. So what has happened to us happens for a reason... we just don't know what that reason usually is until later on. Great post.

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{ 12:35, 2009-Apr-1 } { Posted by windy }
What a lovely post Laurie. I find comfort in it. My life is taking a turn these days, I was worried but..I don't think I am anymore. :D

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{ 10:16, 2009-Apr-1 } { Posted by LauriesAsylum }
This is an awesome post and written very well. It's going to make me think a little differently about a few things..:)

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{ 12:55, 2009-Apr-1 } { Posted by littleMissConfused }
I have always wondered about the destiny and karma stuff. Lately I feel like my life is going in circles, it seems to take trips back to places I've been before. Either with jobs (same company, just years later) or people (old freinds/enemies popping up after years of no contact).
I wonder if deep down there are things we want in life that somehow we subconsiously make happen?

I guess next time I'm dusting I should let my mind wander and see what it comes up with....usually I'm just thinking "dang I hate living on a dirt road"

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